Sold: The Jabba Estate Auction Incident
by Lady Angel
Summary: Two stupid filk tricks to the same song. PG-13 for subtext and slashy implications. You are warned.


Angel here  
So I heard this stupid song on the radio. And my warped mind started  
changing the words.  
  
The original is "Sold (The Grundy County Auction Incident)" by Richard  
Fagan&Robb Roy, recorded by John Michael Montgomery in 1995. Then, my   
hyperactive imagination wrote a second version, thanks to a drawing   
by ZP Florian of Luke for sale (It's at the Darth Side.) and doing   
rewrites on the first part of "What Says the Wind?"  
  
So, disclaimer now. The boys are George's, of course, even if they have  
taken to hassling me on the drive to work. The idea of Carbonite!Han   
as art comes from "Last one Standing: the tale of Boba Fett" from   
_Tales of the Bounty Hunters_. The music belongs to the  
people named above.  
  
The words to #2 are closer to the original.  
And in #1, Luke is using his parentage for sheer intimidation factor. Loved it?   
hated it? Throwing rotten dlarma fruit at me? Let me know.  
And anyone who wants it can have it.  
  
Warnings: First part is subtexty, a la the movies. Second part is  
slashy. Steer clear if you're in the "Han is irrevocably het" crowd.  
  
  
Sold (Luke's version)  
  
Oh I went out to Jabba's estate auction   
And I saw something I just hadda have  
My mind told me I should proceed with caution  
But the Force said "Go ahead and make a bid on that!"  
  
And I said "Hey auctioneer won't you give me a sign?  
What's it gonna take to make that mine, all mine?  
It's my father's art and stolen from my hall.  
I'm Vader's son and that item's mine.  
Give it right back, it's a one of a kind.  
It's goin' once, goin' twice and  
sold to the Jedi in the second row  
Eight thousand, nine thousand, ten I know.  
He's in perfect hibernation and oh so cold  
but I'm about to take him and we're gonna go."  
  
Well, the auctioneer was goin' about a mile a minute  
He was takin' bids an' callin' them out loud  
An' I guess I was really gettin' in it  
'Cause I just shouted out above the crowd  
  
And I said "Hey auctioneer won't you give me a sign?  
What's it gonna take to make that mine, all mine?  
It's my father's art and stolen from my hall.  
I'm Vader's son and that item mine.  
Give it right back, it's a one of a kind.  
It's goin once, goin't twice and  
I'm sold on the man in the carbonite  
who kept me warm one cold Hoth night  
He's saved my life more times than I can count  
Now it's my turn to bail him out."  
  
So I found Han on the auction block  
and we made our get away  
I thawed him out and he laughs about  
the way it went that day,  
  
when I said "Hey auctioneer won't you give me a sign?  
What's it gonna take to make that mine, all mine?  
It's my father's art and stolen from my hall.  
I'm Vader's son and that item mine.  
Give it right back, it's a one of a kind.  
It's goin' once, goin' twice and  
sold to the Jedi in the second row  
Eight thousand, nine thousand, ten I know.  
He's in perfect hibernation and oh so cold  
but I'm about to take him and we're gonna go.  
  
  
  
Sold II (Han's version)  
erm, mild slash warnings on this one, I think.  
And AU as well  
  
  
Oh I went out to Jabba's estate auction  
And I saw something I just hadda have  
My mind told me a I should proceed with caution  
But my gut said "Go ahead and make a bid on that!"  
  
An' I said, hey, pretty boy, won'cha gi'me a sign  
I'd give anything to make you mine all mine  
You do my biddin' an' I'll be at your beck and call  
Yeah, I never seen anyone lookin' so fine  
Man, I gotta have him, he's a one-of-a-kind  
I'm goin' once, goin' twice,  
I'm sold! On the boy in the second row  
Eight thousand, nine thousand, ten I know.  
With his full sexy lips, blond hair, blue eyes  
An' I'm about to bid my heart good-bye!  
  
Well, the auctioneer was goin' about a mile a minute  
He was takin' bids an' callin' them out loud  
An' I guess I was really gettin' in it  
'Cause I just shouted out above the crowd!  
  
An' I said, hey, pretty boy, won'cha gi'me a sign  
I'd give anything to make you mine all mine  
You do my biddin' an' I'll be at your beck and call  
Yeah, I never seen anyone lookin' so fine  
Man, I gotta have him, he's a one-of-a-kind  
I'm goin' once, goin' twice,  
I'm sold! on the boy with the spacer's eyes  
Looks like he's navigator size  
With his full sexy lips, blond hair, blue eyes  
An' I'm about to bid my heart good-bye!  



End file.
